A redneck's trying to become a naturalist. First, he decides to study the flea. He takes a flea and puts it on a white piece of paper and yells: "JUMP!"
Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone in town knew Jack was very optimistic -- even if a situation was terrible, Jack could always think of a way it could be worse. Everyone in the town was tired of hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to to lie to Jack.
"Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't that terrible?"
"Sure, it's terrible, but it could've been worse!"
"How could THAT possibly have been worse?"
"Well, if it had been the night before I would've been dead!"
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